During the summer of 2012, my second brother would occasionally leave his kindergarten-aged son with Grandma. Whenever the little guy came to Grandma’s house, he’d spot me and endlessly repeat, “I’m so bored,” “I really want to play on the computer,” or “I’m really, really bored!”
After listening to my nephew’s litany of complaints, I’d calmly respond with things like, “Yeah, I know you’re bored,” “Is there something you’d like to do?” or “Why don’t you think of a game to play?” But I never gave in to his requests to play on the computer.
One day, as he was once again lamenting his boredom, I firmly told him, “I’m not going to let you play on the computer. If you want to play, you can do it at home.”
He said, “Dad doesn’t let me play either.”
So I asked, “Do you keep nagging like this with him?”
He replied, “No, Dad would scold me.”
I pressed further, “So you keep nagging me because I don’t scold you?”
He answered, “Yeah.”
A fleeting “Kill!” flashed through my mind, but I patiently continued, “Even though I won’t scold you, when I say no, I absolutely mean no. My principle is that kids shouldn’t use computers. Plus, my computer is for work, and there aren’t any games on it for you to play.” (He asked why kids can’t play on computers, and I explained from psychological and physical perspectives, but let’s skip that part.)
So, I let him watch me play with my newly bought shaved ice machine (oops).
Putting aside my stance as a “no computers for kids” advocate (even though I grew up using computers), I believe kids are naturally good at reading people. If a child keeps pestering you about something, it means they think you’re worth pestering and likely to waver. This persistence is their innate negotiation tactic.
You don’t need to get upset about their pestering. Instead, hold firm to your position and communicate clearly, regardless of whether you think they’ll understand.
In fact, when you take the time to explain your reasoning, they often forget what they originally wanted because your attention fulfills their underlying need.
Spend more time with your kids. Don’t wait until they’re grown and you’re tearfully blaming “bad friends” on camera. If you patiently spend time with them and show them the beauty of the world, the chances of them falling in with bad influences are as slim as a pig-headed jerk.
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